How to have fun with an avocado

I've been eating a lot of avocado lately. At least 5 a week for the last month. Usually I slice it into half-moon shaped chunks, put them inside a multigrain pita bread, and sprinkle salt on it. It's great for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, which is something that avocado has in common with both chocolate cake and fried chicken.

Here are 10 more ways to have fun with an avocado, most of them legal:

10. Conceal it in your suitcase while traveling internationally. If you get the random agricultural check as you pass through Customs, produce your original grocery receipt.

9. Ask a stranger to watch it for you while you run a quick errand, then never come back.

8. Put a stamp on it and mail it to yourself.

7. Make a hat out of it, and wear it in public.

6. Mix it with Nivea cream in a blender, call it Facial Cleansing Masque, and sell it for $20 at the St. Jacob's Farmers Market.

5. Cover it with a thin layer of hard chocolate, and give it to a child as a giant Easter egg. See how they react when they take a deep bite.

4. Turn it into the Lost & Found. An hour later, phone them with a disguised voice, and ask if anyone has turned in an avocado.

3. Smear it all over your nose and upper lip, and go to the mall. Whenever someone stares at you, eat a piece and exclaim, "Mmmmm! Boogerlicious!!"

2. Paint it white, sign up for your company's softball team as a pitcher, and replace the ball with the avocado when nobody is looking. Make sure you throw an easy pitch.

1. Volunteer to bring potato to a barbecue. Bring avocado wrapped in foil, and watch the hapless host try to barbecue it.


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