The musings of a perennially perturbed anagrammist

Anyone who is me knows that I am an anagrammaniac, which is a real word (that I just made up) meaning that I am constantly rearranging letters in my head to come up with new words. This is exactly like playing Scrabble, only different.

The key to making a good anagram is to keep the result relevant to the original. For example, if you rearrange the letters in CARTOONS, you get NO ACTORS as well as ROOT SCAN. The first result is funny because there are indeed "no actors" in cartoons, but "root scan" doesn't really have anything to do with cartoons at all.

I have also found that most good anagrams are satirical. Hopefully, the targets of your anagrams will be thick-skinned, or at least good-natured. The successful anagrammist must lead by example, starting with their own name: if you rearrange the letters in SASSAN SANEI, you get INSANE AS ASS and AS SANE AS SIN.

Sometimes, anagrams can push the boundaries of good taste. Readers of this blog from SAVANNAH, GEORGIA would probably be annoyed to find out that those letters can be rearranged to spell ANGER A HO'S VAGINA. Hey, I don't make up the letters, I just rearrange them.

Going on vacation to a LAS VEGAS CASINO? Be careful with those slot machines, you don't want to embark on a COIN SLAVE'S SAGA. And is it really any wonder that in the SAN FERNANDO VALLEY (PORN LOCALE), the actors OPENLY FONDLE ORAL/ANAL CAVERNS. Oh baby, just like that!

Anyone catch DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES last night? This is the show WHERE SPOUSES DEVIATE. I wonder what the secret ingredient will be on IRON CHEF AMERICA this week? CHEER IF MACARONI! I might catch a THREE'S COMPANY rerun -- it's that episode with NO PARTY SCHEME. Then on HOW IT'S MADE, they will SHADOW ITEM through the assembly line. Later, it's NAPOLEON DYNAMITE where a bunch of high-school kids LAMPOON A NEEDY NIT. If action movies are more your taste, you can watch the criminals in PULP FICTION. That's right, FLIP IT UP, CON!

Does an ELECTRICAL ENGINEER exhibit more CAREER INTELLIGENCE? Not if they become a SOFTWARE DEVELOPER who writes buggy code with REPEATED OVERFLOWS. Does a BABY PHOTOGRAPHER have a GATHER-A-PROP HOBBY? And what's up with that GOURMET CHEF and his French cooking -- HE CUT ME FROG! It made me sick, so I went to my FAMILY DOCTOR who provides COMFORT DAILY. This is a general practitioner, not an OBSTETRICIAN/GYNECOLOGIST who TARGETS C-SECTION IN BIOLOGY. They will tell you that BABY NUMBER TWO means TUBBY WOMB NEAR.

Whew! All this blogging is making me hungry! I think I'll go for a WENDY'S HAMBURGER, but wait -- HEREBY WARMS DUNG. Maybe some KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN? Oh no, this drumstick is an INFECTED CHUNKY KICKER! I shouldn't eat all that fast food anyway, so I can LOSE WEIGHT FAST but only if WE FEAST SO LIGHT. And switch to DIET PEPSI, although I'D PEE SPIT. Maybe just a snack -- IS IT RUFFLES POTATO CHIPS? Careful, POUCH OF FAT; LIPS, RESIST IT! That's the problem with using a TOASTER OVEN -- you OVEREAT LOTS. Well, I'll definitely skip dessert, a POPSICLE, also known as ICE PLOPS!

I should publish all my anagrams in a book, but that would mean hiring a LITERARY AGENT, and they RETAIN GREATLY. I bet George Orwell didn't need one, though -- NINETEEN EIGHTY-FOUR was such a great book on its own merit, as I read it I thought there was INGENUITY OFTEN HERE. Speaking of books, my favourite is SURELY YOU'RE JOKING, MR. FEYNMAN! which describes a MERRY, FOLKY GENIUS-MAN JOURNEY. I should read DAN BROWN'S THE DA VINCI CODE as it is supposed to be the SECOND WORD BEHIND VATICAN. Among the earliest English literary works are those of WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, although it's hard to read through all the metaphors and I wish he would SPEAK REALISM A WHILE. Ah, maybe I should just read the newspaper, even though they can get political, especially the GLOBE AND MAIL which is often LOADING BLAME. Maybe I'll just visit their web site using the FIREFOX BROWSER in order to FIX ERRORS OF WEB.

Well, thanks for VISITING MY BLOG, I hope it did not induce any BIG SLY VOMITING!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Nah, I have come to the conclusion that I hate Savannah, so an Angered Ho's Vagina might just be the perfect description.
Sassan Sanei said…
You could leave the States and go to MEXICO CITY, just be careful not to consume any of MY TOXIC ICE.

You could go even farther, all thew ay to SINGAPORE, just don't break any of their zany laws (like chewing gum) because you are of PRISON AGE.

Oh, but you're AMERICAN. Well, I CARE, MAN! You could always move back to OKLAHOMA CITY, it's sunny there in the summer so you can't use the I AM TOO CHALKY complaint. Just don't go to WASHINGTON if you are SNOW-HATING. If you're not, you could even try CANADA'S YUKON TERRITORY where you can get some COUNTRY AIR AND REST, OKAY?

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