Speaking of job interviews...

February 4, 2005

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20500

Attn: Presidential Kitchen

Dear White House,

I heard on CNN that Walter Scheib is packing up his spatula after nearly 11 years at the White House stove, and the president needs a replacement.

Your search is over! I am ready for a career change and being the White House chef would be a perfect opportunity for me. I have always said that it is impossible to spread liberty and freedom throughout the axis of evil on an empty stomach.

Allow me to tantalize your palate with just a few of the delicious dishes that I would prepare for the President, the First Lady, and visiting dignitaries:

Prepare To Meet Thy Baker
Bread so mouth-watering delicious and crusty, you’ll think you’ve died and gone to heaven! Served with a side of beurre d’arachide and confiture de fraises.

USS Scorpion Submarine Sandwich
Named after the nuclear-powered submarine that proudly served the United States from 1959 to 1968. Lovingly handcrafted with sauteed scorpions (venom sac removed), lettuce, tomatoes, and secret sub sauce.

Memories of Fast Food
Stroll down memory lane to a bygone era when the President did not have a personal chef. A juicy breast of Kentucky Fried Chicken, wrapped in a Taco Bell shell, smothered in Big Mac special sauce. Served on a Pizza Hut crust, covered in cheese, and half-baked.

Let me know when you would like to interview me for the position of White House chef. I will be in nearby Reston, Virginia (on unrelated business) February 9 and 10, and I would be happy to pop over to your culinary offices for a chat.


Sassan Sanei


Deb said…
You left me speechless on that one. I know. Hard to believe.
omg! that last one sounds like a bloody ripper! how did you come up with that combination? it's like all of the best bits rolled into one!

but what's in the submarine secret sauce?

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