Some things I'm learning as I wait in line at the supermarket

1. John F. Kennedy, Jr.'s plane crashed because of DRUGS, according to air traffic controller who finally speaks out, and who presumably managed to obtain a urine sample from the pilot moments before the ill-fated plane plunged into the sea.

2. JonBenet Ramsey case finally solved, no really this time, at last, honest (exclusive details revealed inside).

3. There are 36 things I don't know about Tim McGraw, which may be an underestimate.

4. By learning these 25 fun, hot, try-it-now ideas, I can have great sex RIGHT NOW, in the grocery checkout line.

5. How to match a sexy hairstyle to the perfect bikini for my body; said hairstyle presumably refers to the hair on my gorilla-like midriff.

6. Oprah Winfrey's weight has changed by a dramatic 100 pounds, from the time of the printing of this weekly magazine to the time of her most recent nationally televised appearance which was at approximately 4:00 pm today.

7. I CAN redecorate a room myself, without paying an expensive professional to do it.

8. How to bake the perfect cookie in 9 easy steps.

9. Nostradamus made a bunch of predictions that were so vague they could be applied to virtually any world event past, present, and future, with startling accuracy.

10. Halls cough drops come in many more flavours than might actually be necessary.

11. The guy in line behind me could be described as impatient, if by impatient you mean in a psychotic hurry.

12. That little container of blueberries cost $3.99?!