Hello, I'm trying to surf teh internets here!!!1

I finally got a computor. Now I can surf the internets that I keep hearing about!

The cable guy who intsalled my high-speed showed me how to "launch" my "browser" and connect to all the webs, so I decided to give it a try.

Now where do I start? I heard that AOL is good, so I typed AOL -- nothing happened. I pressed the keys again: A, O, L. Still nothing.

I called up my nephew. He's a computor wizard. He can make a computor do anhything! One time, he actually made his play music, and he didn't even have a record player hooked up to it. He's pretty smart!

He seemed kind of frustrated when I called him. "You have to type the URL into the address bar." He sounded like he was in a hurry.

I didn't undertsand a word he said, so I asked him, "I have to type the You Are What? What address bar?"

He was so nice, over the phone he explained to me where the address bar is, and that I have to type WWW.AOL.COM not just AOL. He's such a brainiac! I thanked him and hung up the phone.

Then I went into the address bar and typed WWW.AOL.COM just like he said -- and nothing happened. I sat and waited, and waited, and waited.

Finally, I called him again, and said that nothing happened. Long story short, I had to press the ETNER key after typing in the address. Who knew?

Anyway, now that I'm attached to the internets, I'm surfing. Some of the webs are so helpful too. They'll pop up a warning telling me that my computor may be infected with a virus! Even though it has brand new windows. The warning flashes in different colours and dances around to get my attention. For only $29.99 they were able to fix my computor RIGHT OVER THE INTERNETS. It's amazing! All I had to do was give them my credit card number. I've done this six times already.

My nephew keeps saying I don't really need to do that, but it's worth the peace of mind. Hey, if I can pay $349 for an extended warranty on my new computer, I can pay $29.99 to get rid of a virus, right? Right? He says I don't really have a virus, it's just a banner ad, but he's just a kid, what does he know.

Hey, I may not have gone to computor school, but I'm a graduate of the school of hard knocks, konw what I mean?

I've been giving my email address out to every web site I visit, that way I can enter contests and get free stuff. There's this one place that says I get a free eye-pod just by filling out a survey! They even give referral bonuses, I gav ethem all my friends' emails too. They'll thank me later. :9 Those eye-pods are expensive, there is so much money in computors that they can just buy them and give them away to their web site visitors. I should get a job working with computors too. Then I'd live in a big old mansion and drive one of them fancy cars like Bill Gate.

(Just between you and me, I might come into some real money soon. Ther eis a fellow in Nigeria who found some money and is going to give me a cut of it if I help him transfe rit out of his country. They have a corrupt government you know, so it's like I'm doing my part to help out the odrinary guy. I have some costs to cover up front which is hard right now, but he promised to pay me all back when he gives me my share.)

It's cool too, the more I give out my email address, the more special offers I get in my "inbox" like Rolex watches for $40, discount prescription drugs, and certain other things I probably should'nt write about in a public blogs!

That's all for me, I have to go hack some goggles in the e-bay photo shops now, my computor is waiting!!!1

Comments

Anonymous said…
Alright I need an explanation as to WHY you let my ex husband write a post for your blog.
neal said…
Your ex-husband is my mother?

Someone has some explaining to do...
Anonymous said…
ha! wait until they come across the nice girls with the webcams!
- markoos

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