Subway? More like Suckway

I went to Subway last night to get dinner. I am a regular customer because of their fresh whole-wheat bread. I eat there several times a week.

There were 6 people in line ahead of me. (There would have been 4, but I had held the door open for 2 people who went in ahead of me.)

It took 25 minutes to make those 6 people their sandwiches. One person was making the sandwiches, while the other person was tending the cash and not helping make the sandwiches in between ringing up customers. This made for a slow process.

Eventually, it was my turn. I ordered two footlong subs. One chicken, untoasted, and one BLT, toasted.

While my BLT was toasting, the person making the sandwiches apologized to the customer behind me for the long wait and took his order. Footlong BMT, extra toasted. She removed my sub from the toaster, put the meat and cheese on his bread, and put his sandwich in the toaster.

At this point, I expected my sandwiches to get their toppings, but instead they sat on the counter cooling as a 1 minute and 9 second conversation ensued on the exact definition of "extra toasted." (Correct answer: 1 minute and 9 seconds.)

She then took his sandwich from the toaster and began putting the toppings on it. Remember, both of mine are still on the counter, behind his now, even though I'm standing ahead of him in line. While she put the toppings on, he went to the cash to pay for his sub. I watched this with slight amusement and finally asked her, "So how come I lost my place in line?"

"Oh, uh, it's because his sandwich was toasted, so..." she replied, perhaps suggesting that it would get cold if he had to wait.

"So was mine," I replied, pointing to my rapidly cooling BLT. I did not engage in a debate over whether it is Subway standard operating procedure to give priority to toasted sandwiches over untoasted (it is not), because with my toasted BLT sitting there it would have been a moot point. Oh, did I mention I had been there 25 minutes by then?

She frowned at my sandwiches, seeming puzzled. "Huh. So it was," she finally replied. She then went back to making the sandwich of the customer behind me. Realizing her answer was perhaps incomplete, she added, "It happens," and shrugged.

Wow.

"Well in that case, you can keep them both," I replied, pointing at my two sandwiches as I turned around to leave the store.

She looked at me with astonishment and dismay. I shrugged. Hey, don't look so surprised... it happens.

Subway? I thought as I left the store. More like Suckway. As in, way sucky.

So I went up the street to Wendy's. There were 12 people ahead of me, all of them served in correct consecutive order in under 5 minutes.

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As I wrote my little rant there, I thought that maybe I'm being too hard on Subway. After all, they offer several healthy choices on their menu and their food tastes good.

And I may be doing you a disservice. Maybe after you read this, you decide not to go to Subway anymore and go to McDonald's or Burger King instead, eat their horrible food, and die of coronary disease at age 40, which would be really sad, unless you're one of those people who drives too slow in the left lane, in which case good riddance to you.

But then I thought back to another experience, earlier this year. Still Subway, or should I say Suckway, different location.

It was a hot summer day, and the location near my house does not have air conditioning, only ceiling fans. So one of the employees got the brilliant idea of propping open the door to the large walk-in refrigerator so that it cools the rest of the store.

Of course, just as cold air escapes the refrigerator, hot air enters it. This means that the cheese, sliced meats, eggs, milk, and other perishable food may no longer be kept at a safe storage temperature.

If you think the city health inspector would object to that, just wait, because it gets worse.

At the same location, I observed an employee take out the garbage in the large can by the entrance, return to the sandwich preparation area, give his hands a quick rinse (no soap), then take a large stack of sliced turkey from the refrigerator and carry it back - with the same unwashed hands that he used to tie up and take out the garbage moments earlier.

Ewww!

Rinsing is not washing! Giving germs a bath does not remove them! Maybe I have an irrational fear of the cooties, but I don't think I'm expecting too much for a proper handwashing (using soap) after hauling out garbage!

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Well, at least they didn't once put FROZEN EGG into my breakfast sandwich, which I didn't realize until I got in to work and bit down into icy cold egg yick.

Oh wait, they did.

I have no idea why the egg was frozen, but this was an unwelcome surprise to say the least.

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After all this, would it be wrong of me to complain that as part of a healthy living promotion, Subway offers a 10% discount to all members of Exclusively Women's Fitness Centre?

I'm all for healthy living, but being male I could never join that gym, so I could never obtain that 10% discount. Is this a renegade franchise or is it Subway's policy to discriminate on the basis of gender?

I don't know. I just wanted a sandwich. Is that so wrong?