A hamburger walks into a bar...

I keep many lists in my BlackBerry notepad. Funny fake country names (Tarzania, Zambonia, Slekodosvania), rhyming opposites (zero/hero, light/night, hi/bye, class/crass), things that are impossible to do (unspill water, push a rope, create a universal solvent), books to read and movies to see, etc.

One of these lists is a collection of jokes about a hamburger walking into a bar, and I add to this collection every time I hear a new one. That way, whenever someone accuses me of having the sense of humour of a 14-year-old, I can scoff and reply that I'm not that mature (9 years old, tops), then pull out my BlackBerry and tell a joke and laugh hysterically.

As my mother used to say, it's not funny if you're the only one laughing. Of course, I never listened to her anyway. I still eat with my fork in my right hand. What would you do if the queen came to visit, she would admonish me. Duh, then I'd switch the fork to my left hand, but I don't see any queen here.

So, without further ado, I present the definitive collection of jokes about a hamburger walking into a bar. I don't take credit for any of these jokes. People far more clever than me came up with them; I just collected them.

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender stops him and says, "Sorry, but we don't serve food in here."

A hamburger walks into a bar. "Beer, please," he says. The bartender replies, "Holy shit, a talking hamburger!"

A hamburger walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and says, "Okay, you can come in, but don't try to start anything!"

A hamburger walks into a bar carrying a slab of asphalt. "Pint please," he asks the bartender, "and one for the road."

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, you're quite a celebrity in here. We've even got a sandwich named after you!" The hamburger looks confused and asks, "Really? You've got a sandwich named Steve?"

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm hungry too," he adds. "Do you serve hamburgers here?"

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Here you go. That'll be ten dollars please. You know, we don't get many hamburgers coming in here." The hamburger replies, "At your prices, I'm not surprised."

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve hamburgers here!" The hamburger replies, "That's okay, I just want a drink."

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a double. The bartender brings out a second hamburger that looks just like him.

A hamburger walks into a bar. That must have hurt.

A hamburger walks into a bar carrying a rather large kangaroo. "Where the heck did you get that thing?!" the bartender asks. "McDonald's," replies the kangaroo.

A hamburger walks into a bar and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog eat hamburgers?" asks the hamburger nervously. "No," replies the man. Relieved, the hamburger orders a drink. Suddenly, the dog bites off a big chunk of the hamburger. "Ouch!" exclaims the hamburger. "I thought you said your dog doesn't eat hamburgers!" "He doesn't," replies the man. "That's not my dog."

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"


ha! i love them all! i have stolen one and posted it on my blog with your permission.
Sassan Sanei said…
Ah, you picked the kangaroo one, my personal favorite! Good call... Enjoy!

If you hear any other good jokes about a hamburger walking into a bar, please send it to me so I can add it to my list. :)
Anonymous said…
A hamburger walks into a bar and everyone runs out screaming hysterically.

The Hamburger asks the bartender "Why did everyone run out screaming when I came in"

The bartender says "Someone saw you coming and shouted 'Oh my go, theres a giant hot dog coming right at us' but someone else corrected him saying 'I think it is a little meatier'"

Meteor....get it?

Bryan Hunt
Sassan Sanei said…
Wow, is that Y-Bry? How the heck are you, nice to hear from you. I see you haven't lost your sense of humour - a hamburger walking into a bar joke that ends in a pun - how perfect! :)
Anonymous said…
Its me alright :). A hamburger that walks into a bar joke that ends with a bun...oops...I mean pun...is the best kind of hamburger joke in my opinion.

I am doing well. Still doing software engineering. I do screenwriting on the side. I have 3 kids and 1 on the way. My wife is a singer and has a CD out there (www.corvidmedia.com/sora). My email is bryanhunt@corviddevelopment.com.

Are you still in contact with some of the other guys we knew from Waterloo.....and I mean guys in a non gendered way.
Sassan Sanei said…
*GROAN* Nice... very nice. All I will add to that is, remember the Batavia quote board? :P

Three kids and another one on the way, that's amazing, congratulations on your family! Janet and I have a son, Ryan, born last year. Pictures: www.janetb.com

I haven't stayed in touch with most people from UW, except for Katrin Rohlf and Shashi Wijeratna, who I think you knew from Village 2. From our class, Omar Barake, Al Panezic, and Dan Fischer all work at RIM, so I run into them from time to time, but not very often. I also had lunch with Roger Chan and Vergis Abraham... a couple of years ago now. I think that's about it. I know, I'm a bad friend, and I should stay in touch better. :)

Andrea has a beautiful voice, wow, I listened to the Last Rose of Summer preview on your web site and I just had to buy the CD. I'm looking forward to hearing more of her music!
Anonymous said…
I remember the Batavia quote board well :). I checked out your pictures there, you have quite a cute kid.

There are some pictures of ours at http://www.corviddevelopment.com/HUntFamily/Fall2005/

Andrea's first CD is mainly traditional folk music, but I am really excited about her next one as she is composing all of her own music....its fabulous stuff.

I am glad you are doign well there. I often think of you there when I chat about RIM with my fellow geeks.
Sassan Sanei said…
Your girls are adorable and I totally see the resemblance to you in each of them! That is so awesome.

I love the picture of Karina by the ancient cedar, she is sure to treasure that one years from now. It's good that you're taking pictures. I have so few from when I was a kid.

Happy fatherhood! :)
Anonymous said…
Thanks! Lots of people say they look like me. I see alot of Andrea in them too. Our next one is a boy, so they tell us. Happy Fatherhood.
That ancient cedar was humbling. Here before columbus....and only a few miles from where I grew up.

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