Iranian president writes a letter to American president

The New York Times reports that for the first time since 1979, communication has taken place between the leaders of Iran and the United States.

The contents of the letter from the Iranian president to the American president have not yet been made public, but our crack team of investigative journalists here at Sassan Sanei, The Blog of have managed to intercept the letter as it passed through the Swiss embassy in Tehran.

The contents are reproduced below, verbatim:

18 Ordibehesht 1385 - 8 May 2005
To:
George Walker Bush,
The President of the United States of America,
Washington
Dear George:
Why that we not always recognize moment when love begin, but always know when end?
It seem like only yesterday walking hand in hand our two nation along sandy beach, watching sun set, listening to pounding surf and gull overhead circling, scent of saltwater lingering in the air. There we were, two nation at peace... talking, laughing, loving together.
Then one day, out of blue it seem, our two nation part ways. Was because of American countrymen from Embassy who were our guest for 444 days? You must know we very kindly treat them, like guest who stay in Lincoln Bedroom of your White House, only there many lock on door and posted in hallway armed guards who prevent them at gunpoint from leaving and at slightest misbehaviour kick them in leg like wild dogs!!! Was all silly misunderstanding, really. Calling them hostage! What absurd notion. They were merely our guest.
To this day, I put on brave face to relentless hounding by international media, who accuse me personally of being hostage-taker, but inside me, heart aches at such accusation, which I would very deny if true.
This I ask you, where is the love?
When hear that I lead my people in chant "Death to America" and "Down with the Great Satan" in streets Tehran, it all big misunderstanding. When think about it, "Death to America" not even make sense - how can kill country? Kill people and wild dog, but not country. And in Persian, use same word for "Devil" and "Antagonist" so when say "Great Satan" is not reference to red fire-breathing creature with trident and horns, but more like to mischievous child, like American boy with slingshot, Dennis the Menace. He is funny cartoon, it is like compliment!
We suffer disagreements on question of oil. Why burn it or mold it into plastic, when we can rub it all over each other naked hairy bodies. Like time on Caspian Sea. Remember?
I admit we enrich uranium but this only fair, if America can do it why not Iran. You who not trust us with nuclear technology but expect us trust you. This only level playing field. We good people, like you, make bomb but promise never nuke other country, except at slight provocation.
Write back and tell me you love me and we go to Israel and make much peace together.
Please George come back to me I miss you so much and long for days of walking along sandy beach again. America friend, Iran friend, everybody friend, okay?
Until then, my sweet love, a thousand kisses, but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad,
The President of the Oppressive Islamic Republic of Formerly Iran,
Tehran
P.S. Lift please sanctions.

Bush will have to respond carefully, but the conciliatory tone seen in this letter could be the first step toward mending Iranian-American relations.