I'm sick and I need to eat some fried chicken

I've caught the mother of all colds. It started with an occasional sneeze and a tickling sensation at the back of my throat on Sunday night. By Monday morning, I was suffering from a full-blown case of SARS, H5N1 avian flu, and (possibly) pneumococcal meningitis - all at once.

Nevertheless, I dragged my sorry self into work, where I proceeded to go through two entire boxes of Coronet®-brand kleenex blowing my nose all day. This left my nose bright red and swollen, and could easily have left me mistaken for an alcoholic on a cocaine binge who is preparing for a role as the lead reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh.

Not a pretty sight, I tells you.

With that in mind, it's time to play the Multiple Choice Game. Simply click on the correct answer below!

A. I feel worse today than yesterday
B. Every muscle in my body is in agony
C. I have an insatiable craving for KFC
D. All of the above

If you chose D. All of the above, congratulations! You are correct. I feel worse today than yesterday, every muscle in my body is in agony, and I have an insatiable craving for KFC.

I know what you're thinking: that the consumption of mass quantities of fried chicken is not normal when you're sick.

I think it goes back to when I was about six years old, doctor. I had a cold or flu or some other nasty bug, while the rest of my family was fine. My mom, dad, and sister decided to have KFC for dinner. There they sat, in the basement rec room of our old house at 30 Ayre Point Road, with a bucket of fried chicken and a tub of macaroni salad. My mom wouldn't let me have any, because I was sick, and let's face it, KFC isn't exactly good for you when you're not sick, so no KFC for me.

I begged and pleaded and cried, but to no avail; there they sat, eating their KFC, not even offering me a scrap of skin or the slightest taste of macaroni salad. It was a horribly traumatic event for me - would it be too dramatic to call it mental and emotional torture? - and I blame their actions that night for every bad thing that's ever happened to me.

And now you know why I have a craving for KFC every time I get sick.

Speaking of KFC, notice how they don't give you a piece of bread with your meal anymore. What up wit dat?

UPDATE (1:53 pm): Well, I gave in. That was oddly satisfying and revolting at the same time. I feel better, but I feel worse.

Comments

Deb said…
I wondered where I got my cold from. You obviously left sneezy germs on my blog.

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